Life Lessons

If working in Hospice and the past several years of my personal life have taught me one thing, it is that life is short and we are never guaranteed tomorrow (even though we like to think we are). So I wanted to spend Mother’s Day with my Mom. Since I have moved away about 11 years ago, I have never gotten to spend Mother’s Day with her. So my sister, my Mom and I met in the mountains of Virginia this past weekend for a girls get-away. We had so much fun. Just hanging out on the porch with a glass of wine, catching up on gossip, shopping, eating out, relaxing and enjoying each other’s company. I have a feeling it will become one of my most treasured memories-our first girls weekend together. Most of the time was laughing but sometimes the conversations turned to serious subjects. My sister shared with me a speech she wrote this semester for her first year in college. 

Before I share this let me just tell you a little side story. It may not make alot of sense right now, but after you read my sister’s speech it will make perfect sense. Coming home from a doctor’s appointment with my Dad he was extremely anxious (and that can not come close to describing these experiences of going from Dr. to Dr.)  he told me, “I wish Bill was here” (This was when Uncle Bill had moved to Florida). I said, “Why?” He said he gave me the best advise ever…”Don’t let em get ya down Man, if they think you’re crazy, let them think that…Shit, tell em your batman”.  We laughed together, something that rarely happened anymore. Then he said, “Man, I Miss him.”  Little did we know how those words would echo in our minds through the coming days, months and years. So here’s my sister’s story. I’m not going to correct the grammer and such, as I said it was a speech and it is the message that is most important. Life’s too short to worry about proper punctuation and capitalization.

“I am only eighteen years old, and only have a couple meaningful life lessons under my belt. I know I have a million more to learn and grow from in my lifetime. But up unto this point, one sticks out in my mind- Just relax, and tell ‘em you’re batman. You’re probably thinking I’m crazy, but its this small bit of advice that has gotten my family through the past 3 or 4 years.

          Up until February of 2005, me and my family had no major problems, we were happy, and got along, and life was good. But then, my dad got hurt in an accident at the coal mine and suffered serious brain injury. He is able to function- walk and talk, which the doctors said he is extremely lucky for because he is lucky to even be alive.  However, he cannot handle any sort of stress, he cannot control his emotions, and he has memory loss. Since the accident, the doctors are to this day trying to regulate his medicines to control his moods without making him a total zombie.

          The first year after the accident was horrible. My mom and I were trying to adjust to dads out of control mood swings, and my mom and dad were trying to adjust to only one income coming into the household. I didn’t do so well with the whole adjusting to the mood swings thing. I couldn’t understand that it wasn’t my dad’s fault, so when he would yell, I’d yell back, and we only fed each other’s fire. Mom would try to referee but, it would only bring her into the fight, too. Before long, we didn’t speak to each other. Because I didn’t speak with my parents, I rebelled against them. The fighting eventually led to me being arrested, spending a night in Lincoln, and serving 6 months of supervised probation, all at the age of 15. I had started considering moving to New Jersey to live with my sister when my Uncle bill had fallen on some hard times and had no place to go, and he came to live with me and my parents.

          Now, for me to completely explain my Uncle Bill would be impossible, because, well, he was a character.  He loved life, and no one was going to make him feel any different about it. No matter what was thrown at him, he shrugged it off, and if it bothered him, I never noticed. He was always up for a good time.  It didn’t even take a week of Uncle Bill living in our basement to notice a change in the atmosphere around the house. That feeling that everyone needed to walk on egg shells was gone. Dad wasn’t someone I had to avoid to escape a fight. You could usually just find him and Uncle Bill out in the yard, drinking a beer or two. I remember one day me and my mom came home to find Uncle Bill stomping through Mom’s flower garden and dad out in the yard with a shotgun. They were determined that a rat was in there, and they were going to get it out. It was the little moments like these that would just make us all laugh again.

          The first time I heard that important piece of advice, it was after one of dad’s doctor’s appointments. I was out in the yard sitting with uncle bill when dad came home. I knew it hadn’t gone so great, because in the year or two after the accident, I don’t think the doctors even knew what to make of it. This is when I normally would have ran for cover to avoid a fight, but uncle bill was there, so I stuck around. Dad sat down and said, “I don’t know, I think they just think I’m crazy” and uncle bill said “just relax, and tell ‘em your batman” Me and my dad were both confused. Uncle Bill explained, ”just relax, have a good time, and if they think you’re crazy, let them.” This little piece of advice stuck with me and my dad. Me and my dad even started to spend time together again. He would take me out in his truck and just let me drive, so that when I turned 16, I would be able to get my license. He also would take me down to our property on stalls run to ride four wheelers with my friends, I think mostly so him and uncle bill could sit at the camp for a change of scenery.

          Uncle Bill lived with us for about a year, and then he moved to Florida. Even with him gone, the atmosphere stayed pretty pleasant around our house, and plus, he would always stop in for a week or two for a visit. On one visit, he wasn’t feeling well, and we made him go to the hospital to get himself checked out. They found that his heart wasn’t functioning as well as it should, and they told him if he didn’t stop drinking and smoking, he would die. Even with the doctors warning, Uncle Bill kept his happy-go-lucky attitude with life. There was absolutely no regret in his voice when he told us “hell with that, if I die, I’m going to die having a good time”. Not long after he had moved to Florida, though,  Uncle Bill was killed in a motorcycle accident.

          After Uncle Bill’s death is when I looked back and realized how much he had taught me without ever trying. You are not guaranteed tomorrow. You have to go out and have fun and live you’re life on your terms while you have the chance. You only have one life, so you better live it, and even if people think you’re crazy for living the way you want- just relax, and tell ‘em you’re batman.”                                 -Emily Nicole Coffield 2008